I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
