yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
