i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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