God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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