Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
