Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
