areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
