I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
