i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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