So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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