We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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