just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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