Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
