I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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