I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
