dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
