Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
