I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You left your phone here
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