Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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