well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
