i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
