im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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