Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
