Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
