My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
