i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am available for nakedness
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
