At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
