i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
