When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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