the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
