??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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