And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
