after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
