one two three fourrrrnication!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
