i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
