Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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