Just fell off a train. Bad.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
