This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
