Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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