you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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