OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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