What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
