i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
