I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just invented taco cereal.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
