No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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