I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
