I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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