so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
