We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
