my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He better not be in your backpack
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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